Starling vs The Forces of Evil
by Light Seeker 001
Summary: Genderbent AU Yeah, one of THOSE fan fictions. Yay. Same story as Star vs FOE, but with opposite genders. Copyright: Disney and Daron Nefcy. Image found on Google.
1. Chapter 1

_Far, far away, in a magical land called Mewni, lived a prince – Starling Dragonfly. Some people have called me reckless and irresponsible just because...I fight monsters...and tame wild unicorns. I like to have fun! And I'm about to have a whole lot more because today is my 14th birthday! And according to tradition, my dad the king has to bestow upon me our greatest family heirloom: the_ _royal magic_ _scepter_ _!_

At that moment, a blonde and blue-eyed teenage boy with red lightning bolts on his cheeks and garbed in a blue suit with royal regalia on it burst into the throne room on a wild unicorn. He jumped off the wild horned horse and sent it flying through a wall, then landed in front of his parents, panting excitedly like a dog. King Moon was a tall man with silver hair and purple diamonds on his cheeks while his wife Queen River was a small woman with long blonde hair...with nothing on her cheeks. And both of them were not impressed with their son's entrance. The prince tried to reach for the scepter but King Moon held it away from him.

"Now, Starling," he said. "this scepter is a big responsibility. If it falls into the hands of evil forces, the universe could be destroyed."

The scepter was shaped like a yellow dragonfly with a crystal head and wings. But when the king passed it onto his son, it changed appearance. The scepter turned light purple with white dragonfly wings attached to the grip. The bell of the wand had a blue circle with a gold star and red hearts surrounding the crystal star inside. There was a yellow crown on the tip of the wand, a blue dragonfly between the bell and grip, and a yellow tip with a blue heart at the end of the grip.

When he had it in his grip, Prince Starling just started cheering. Then he remembered he was in front of his parents. "Don't worry, Dad. I can handle it."

(!)

Two seconds later, the entire kingdom was on fire. King Moon, Queen River and a strange blue little...thing with twelve fingers and toes, a long nose, long hair and wearing a brown robe just shook their heads. "He can't handle it," they said.

(!)

It was decided then and there. Starling just had so much energy (something King Moon blamed his wife for) and so irresponsible, they decided to put him in an exchange program. Upon hearing this, Starling assumed the worst and grabbed his father's legs. "Nooooo! I can be good. Please! Don't send me to St. Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princes and Princesses!" Starling heard stories of heirs going in...and coming out completely different. Something horrible happened at that school, and he did not want to find out what.

King Moon sighed. "Laddie, we're not sending you there." A wave of relief washed over Starling. " _Yet_." And now it was gone.

"We're sending you to train in a safer dimension; a place called Earth," explained Queen River.

"Earth?"

Starling was tossed into a royal carriage along with his things before he could get an answer. "Manfred!" shouted Queen River. "Open the portal!"

Manfred, one of the royal servants, took out a strange pair of scissors and mimed cutting a hole. A portal appeared as if from nowhere. The carriage slowly entered the hole and Prince Starling looked out the window with a sad frown. "Goodbye, Mewni."

(!)

But something happened that no one was prepared for. A monster hid in the bushes, watching. She was a big, buff frog woman with pointed ears, large breasts and wearing a green, armored tunic.

(!)

On Earth, at Echo Creek Academy, located in a state called California, the King and Queen spoke with the principal. "So you say you're from another dimension," she asked, clearly finding it hard to believe. Suddenly, the lights began flickering on and off. The adults turned to find Prince Starling playing with the light switch with fascination. His outfit was changed to more Earthly attire. A light blue t-shirt, a green sweater around his waist, a red baseball cap with a yellow star on the front and purple devil horns on the sides, dark teal jeans, and purple boots with a rhino design.

"And you said there was no magic on Earth?" he asked with awe.

The principal shook her head. "Yeah, this isn't going to work." Queen River placed a huge treasure chest on the desk. The principal had an immediate change of heart. "She's gonna love it here!"

Starling paid no attention and continued to play with the light switch.

"He's going to need a guide," King River said.

(!)

In Mister Skullnick's class, Marcia Diaz, an Hispanic girl with short brown hair, matching brown eyes and a mole under her right eye and wearing a red hooded overshirt, brown shorts, and tan shoes, was working on her class essay when the principal's voice came through the speakers. " _Marcia Diaz, to the principal's office. Marcia Diaz, to the principal's office."_

Marci made a smug smile and said, "Oooooh... looks like someone's in trouble. So, I guess everyone who voted me 'Safest Kid' must be feeling pretty embarrassed right about now." Yeah, Marcia was always called "Safest Kid", but she's been trying her best to prove them wrong. So far, she did a bad job when she asked Mister Skullnick (who was clipping his toenails), "Do I need a hall pass?"

"WOULD YOU JUST GO ALREADY?!" the fat, red-haired teacher shouted in a scraggily voice.

Marcis met the principal outside the office. With her was Prince Starling, playing with a drinking fountain...and getting angry at it when it sprayed him in the eye. "Marcia," the principal said. "I want you to meet our new foreign exchange student – Starling Dragonfly." Prince Starling growled at the fountain and started pounding it with his fist.

Marcia raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"I need a responsible, never-take-chances type to keep an eye on her, and who better than you, the safe kid?"

Marcia waved her hands in front of her. "What?! No-no-no-no! I am completely wrong for this. I'm a misunderstood bad girl."

But the principal just pinched her cheek and teased, "You're adorable! Now I'm off to the ice cream shop. Mommy's getting all 52 flavors!" She took the treasure chest Queen River gave her and ran off laughing.

(!)

Marcia frowned as she showed Starling around the school. The prince was too busy to even notice her unhappiness, he was too excited to see all the Earth surroundings and sights. The lockers, the janitor, the banners, the mascot, he loved new things. And this was new for sure. "Thanks for showing me around, safe kid."

"What? No!" Marcia protested. "Look, whatever you heard about me isn't true. I don't know where people get the idea I'm so safe! Oh, watch your step. Loose tile." She moved him away from the tile. "It's ridiculous! Careful." She closed an open locker Starling was about to run into. "You wear a helmet in the gym shower _one_ time, and you're labeled for life! Oop. Broken glass." She lifted Starling away from the broken bottle and put him down safely. "Frankly, I _like_ taking risks and would welcome a little danger in my life."

Starling granted her wish. With a wave of his scepter, he turned a fluttering moth into a monster. Marci watched in shock as it carried off an unfortunate student.

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!" shrieked Marcia.

"Oops. Heh, heh," chuckled Starling. "Oops. Heh. I thought you wanted a little _danger_."

Marcia looked at him with horror. "Who _are_ you?"

Starling waved his scepter, summoning all sorts of creatures. "I'm a magical prince from another dimension!" Then the creatures spontaneously combusted.

This was too much for Marcia. "Well, that brings us to the end of our tour. I'm going home now."

The prince waved him goodbye. "Bye, new friend! See you tomorrow! Bye! Bye, new friend! See you later!"

But Marcia didn't wave back. Instead, she put her hood on and ran away in fear.

(!)

When Marcia came home, she was in for a surprise. Guess who was sitting on the living room couch with her parents?

"Oh, Marco," her mother said. "Come meet the new foreign exchange student who's gonna be living with us!"

"Wha...what..."

Starling was still his usual excited self as he dragged Marcia into the house. "WHAT?! I had no idea these were _your_ parents! I just assumed everyone on Earth had the last name Diaz!"

"Won't it be nice to have Star's upbeat, lively energy around the house?" asked Mrs. Diaz.

Marcia and Starling looked at each other. "We could've gotten _that_ from a litter of puppies."

Starling's eyes widened. "I. Love. Puppies!" He used his scepter to summon a litter of eight pitbull puppies. At first, Mr. and Mrs. Diaz loved them. And then they started shooting lasers out their eyes. Marci glared at Starling, who smiled sheepishly.

Mr. Diaz picked one of them up. "Well, they are really cute." ZAP! "AH! My eye!"

"Marcia," Mrs. Diaz asked. "Marco, why don't you show Starling his new room?"

"YAY!" Starling cheered as he ran up. Marci dragged the heavy luggage upstairs with the laser puppies following.

(!)

Outside, a monster watched. Laughing, she cut a hole in the space/time fabric with her own pair of dimensional scissors and jumped through it. She was back in Mewni and in the throne room of a castle with scary looking gargoyles, decorated windows and floor tiles. Evil looking masks stared down from the walls and rusted, spiked instruments were hanging from the ceiling. She saluted to her boss and made a croak.

"Luda, mistress," she said in a deep, Russian accented voice. "I've tracked down Starling Dragonfly. They've hidden him in the Earth dimension. Unguarded."

Luda was a small monster with a beak full of sharp teeth and ugly pigtails, wore a dirty green robe and a skull for a helmet and carried a long pitchfork with an eyeball on it. "Excellent work, Buff Frog," Luda said in a high-pitched, annoying voice. "I knew they couldn't hide that royal brat from me for long. Soon, the scepter will be mine. And then the universe. And then...! Actually, the universe should do it. I'm coming for you, Prince Dragonfly."

(!)

Back on Earth, Marcia finished dragging the luggage into Star's new room: the guest room. "Here's your new room." She accidentally dropped it on her toes. "OW!"

Starling looked around. "Okay... I can work with this." He raised the scepter. "Sparkle Glitter Bomb Expand!" In a flash of light, the guest room turned into a room straight out of Victoria times. And that's not all. The guest room's exterior had turned into a castle turret. Marci could only think of one word. "Whoa."

Starling plopped onto the bed. "That's better!"

"I wish I had a room like this."

"You do?" Oh, no. Starling ran into Marcia's room and pointed his scepter at it. "Mystic Room Suck Transform!" A black hole appeared in the middle of the room and started to suck in everything, even one unfortunate laser eye puppy. Marcia quickly slammed the door and angrily shouted, "SUCK?! _SUCK_?! WHY IS THE WORD 'SUCK' IN THAT SPELL?!"

Starling said, "I don't know! It just came out that way!" Marci slammed her head into the door. "I'm sorry, Marci. How about a little sunshine to brighten your day?" With a wave of his scepter, a sun appeared over Marci's head. Then it turned into a storm cloud which rained down on her.

"I can't take this anymore," screamed Marcia. "If you're moving in, I am moving out!" She turned to leave, only to trip on her own feet and fall out the window.

"Are you okay?" called out Starling.

"Luckily, the cactuses broke my fall."

"Do you need any help?"

"I'm fine! Just leave me alone!" And Marcia, covered in cactus spines with a storm cloud literally over her head, walked away. Starling frowned sadly as he watched her go. So far, his first impression with her was not a very good one. He could see Marcia did not want him in her life. Maybe he should just do him a favor and just leave and get out of her life.

(!)

That night, Marcia was soaked to the bone thanks to the storm cloud still over her head. She looked like a mess and her demeanor as she stood outside the Stop & Slurp convenience store was psychotic. "Here he comes. Here he comes." She muttered as a man walked by. "Hey, brother, do me a solid! Refill this for me!" The man ran away screaming. "They won't let me back inside because I'm soooooggyyyyy!" A mother and son walked out the store. "Did you bring me my refill?!"

"Don't make eye contact," warned the woman as she led her son away. Far, far away.

"You come to my house, you bring toilet paper," Marcia said crazily. Someone tapped her on the shoulder. It was Starling. Marci screamed. "Wa-ha! Whoa! What are you doing here?"

Starling made the raincloud disappear. "I didn't get a choice about coming here to Earth, and you didn't get a choice about having to deal with me." Marci's expression softened when he said that. "I'll find another family to live with."

Marcia felt bad now. She wanted to say something, but didn't get the chance when she saw something behind the prince. "Starling?"

Starling turned around to see a gang of monsters and the forerunner was Luda. "Starling Dragonfly! At last, I've found you!"

Starling gasped. "Luda! How did you know I was here?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Yes. That's why I asked."

"Well, Buff Frog...hey! I don't have to tell you anything! Get him!"

Starling was about to attack when Marcia suddenly jumped in front of him and karate chopped and kicked a monster down. Starling was impressed. "We-heh-heh-ell. You can fight?"

"It's called...karate!" Marcia karate chopped another monster in the neck while Starling started beating up another monster with his own club.

Ludo grabbed Buff Frog by the neck. "You said he was unguarded!" Buff Frog shrugged her shoulders.

"Rainbow Fist Punch!" A rainbow fist flew out of Starling's scepter and punched a giraffe monster through a car. Meanwhile, Marcia slammed the same car's door into a bear monster she was fighting. Then Starling blasted a wave of magic at Buff Frog, making her crash into a light pole.

"You're embarrassing me!" shrieked Luda. "GET UP!"

Buff Frog grabbed the street light and used it as a club, but she didn't even get a chance to swing it. "Rainbow Hallucination Mist!" The mist that came out of Starlng's scepter made her drop the light and look around in awe. "Whoa..what is happening..."

Two more monsters knocked the teens down, only to be kicked away by Marcia. The prince shouted, "Mega Narwhal Blast!" Narwhals burst out of Starling's scepter and pilled themselves onto the monsters. Luda just gulped. "Want some of this, Luda?" asked Starling with a smirk.

"No," Luda said, admitting defeat. She pulled out a pair of dimensional scissors and cut a whole in space/time. "You see, you morons?! This is what happens when you don't work out! Your muscles are like pudding! Come on, back in the portal, back in the portal." Her minions went into the portal, groaning and covered in wounds. "You even retreat like losers!" She turned to the prince. "I'll get you, Starling Dragon-" The portal closed around her neck. Choking, she pulled her head back in.

Marcia was so excited. "That was amazing! I was amazing! You were amazing!"

"Yeah. I guess we were," Starling said, still remembering why he came here. "...Well... I should probably go pack my bags."

"Wait! I don't want you to go. I want you to stay with us."

The prince's eyes widened when Marcia said that. "Really?! Hugs!" He gave Marci a running tackle rather than a hug.

Marcia asked as they walked back home, "Are there gonna be monsters attacking us all the time?"

"Yeah, probably."

"All right! Sounds so dangerous!" Suddenly, she grabbed Starling before he could cross the street. "Whoa! Let's cross at the light."

Starling chuckled. "Okay, wild man."


	2. Chapter 2

In the kitchen, Marcia presented Starling with her latest cuisine. "All right, Starling, feast your eyes on...THIS!"

Starling's (now garbed in a beanie with devil horns and a yellow star on it, a teal sleeveless T-shirt with four colorful stripes on the chest, a white bear on the left side towards the bottom (he calls it Edgar), light sea green, white shorts and pale green striped socks, red boots with white bunny faces and dark red bottoms, and a silver bracelet with spikes) eyes widened. "Marco's Super Awesome Nachos! Triangle food!"

Suddenly, there was a knock on the front door. Marcia, still holding the plate of nachos, opened it only to find nothing. She looked, and looked, then she saw something that made her eyes widen. A floating horse's head. Its fur was green with a little lightning bolt at the base of the neck (which was spilling sparkles instead of blood), its mane was red and its eyes were shaped like stars. Then it spoke. "Yo, what up, home fries?"

Marcia let out a screech and fell over. When Starling saw who was at the door, she put on a happy face and ran to the horse head, not caring that he was standing on Marcia's face. "Flying Prince Horse Head!"

"Boyo, we're going out tonight! Are you ready to make some ba-a-ad choices?"

"Let me just wake up Marcia." He lifted the unconscious Hispanic karate girl off the ground.

"Oh, that is not a dead person?"

"Not...dead..." mumbled Marcia.

"Pony Head, meet my best friend Marco Diaz," introduced Starling.

"Best...friend?" Horse Head said with a hint of jealousy.

Starling caught on quick. "Huh? Oh, no-no-no! On _Earth_! _You're_ my best friend on _Mewni_. Marcia, this is the pony I've been telling you about."

Prince Horse Head snorted at Marcia. "I hate your face. Plus you're ugly." Then he laughed. "Just kidding. That's a joke. Tick-tock, boy. Let's paaartaaay!"

"Yeah, Marci! Let's paaartaaay!"

Marcia was hesitant. "With him? Um, okay, well, I was gonna... But I... I was gonna..." Starling gave him the sad deer eyes. Marcia groaned. They both knew she couldn't resist those eyes. "I... Ugh. Alright."

Starling pulled them into a group hug. "My two besties are gonna be _besties_!"

Horse Head stuck out his tongue, revealing a pair of red dimensional scissors. "Dimensional scissors?!" asked Starling. "Ah, I'm so jealous!"

When the head cut into space/time, Marcia looked nervous. "Wait, we're going to another dimen—" Starling grabbed her arm and pulled her in. Horse Head lingered for a while before following the two. At the instant the portal closed, another portal opened, revealing three menacing robots in masks and suits.

(!)

Marcia was amazed at the world she was just pulled into. "Where are we?" It looked like they were in a nightclub made entirely of clouds and the people there were all sorts of different creatures.

"The Bounce Lounge," Starling explained. "My favorite place to chill. Just stay away from the edge."

Marcia looked down. Beneath the lounge was a bed of spikes! And judging from the skeletons, some partiers didn't heed Starling's warning. She screamed when Starling pulled her toward him. "Marcia! Photo booth! Come on!" And he shoved both Horse Head and Marcia in. He popped up between them in the booth, and they take several photos. In the first photo, the three smile, and the captions on them read "yay", "good times" and "Happy Besties!" In the second photo, Starling stuck out his tongue, and captions read "Cheese!", "Get out of TOWN!", and "poot". In the third photo, Starling made a silly face as Marcia laughed, and a caption read "I friend ". In the fourth photo, Marcia made a duckface, and captions read "DUCKFACE" and "STYLEZ 4 MILEZ". In the fifth photo, all three made silly faces, and a caption read "What's up?"'

"Whoo," said Starling. "Now... just you two! A souvenir from the night my besties became besties. Yay."

The moment Starling left, Horse Head glared at Marcia. "Listen. We are not gonna be besties. We are not even gonna be second-besties."

Marcia was confused. "'Second-besties'? That's not even a thing!"

"Ohhhh! You wanna make this a thing? Look here, Earth Turd. This night is really important to me. You mess that up, and you're gonna get the horn!" He pointed his unicorn horn at Marcia's jugular. "Got it?! Good. _Real_ good. Later!" And he left a very frightened Marcia alone in the photo booth.

Marcia peeked her head out to find both princes on the dance floor. She tapped Starling on the shoulder. "Psst! Star, I need to talk to — " Starling spun her around before she could finish. "Star, Pony Head threatened to—" Horse Head shoved her away, and she nearly fell off the edge. Starling pulled her in before she could fall. "Marcia, be careful."

"Horse Head just tried to shove me off this cloud!"

"What? Ohhhh, noooo. He just gets a little wild when he dances."

The two of them turned to see Horse Head jumping up and down on a very unfortunate elf. "Oh, yes," cheered the floating equine head. "Oh, you like that! You know you do! You love it!"

Marcia frowned at this before turning to face star. "Well, she also threatened to skewer me in the photo booth!"

Starling had to admit, there were times Horse Head got _too_ wild. "Yeah... He can be possessive. Horse Head," he called out. "Let's go to the Amethyst Arcade. Marcia will have more fun there."

Horse Head was still riding the poor elf like...well, a horse. "No! Way! Girl! I'm! Getting! My! Dance! On!" Suddenly, he saw the evil looking robots and gasped. "Yes, you are right, Starling. She will like the arcade better. Let's go!" He cut open space/time with the scissors and pushed them in before following them in.

"I think he's warming up to you," Starling whispered to Marcia.

(!)

The sight of the video arcade left Marcia drooling and wide-eyed. "Holy pixels! So many video games!"

"Yes, I knew you would like it here," Horse Head said. "This place is full of squares."

No, really. It was literally fully of squares. Squares with faces and hands and feet.

Starling pointed at what looked like a mixture of Street Fighter and Dance Dance Revolution. "Look. Lance Lance Revolution. That's perfect! You guys, go play!"

Marcia and Horse Head growled at each other as they stepped onto the platforms. "Horse Head vs. Earth Turd!" the video game announcer shouted, much to Marcia's chagrin. "Round one! Fight!"

As the two dueled, they struck up a conversation. A trash talk conversation. "You're going down, downer!"

"Oh, yeah?! Well, your mother's a horse!"

"Uh, okay, and your point would be?"

Starling was smiling. "Aw, look at you two getting along." He patted his hands on Marco and Horse Head's backs (or lack thereof in Horse Head's case), covering his hands in sweat. "Ewww. Oh! I'll go get us some nice cold icicles to put on your disgusting sweaty back."

Meanwhile, the robots followed the horse head's trail, and were currently questioning the squares on his whereabouts. When he saw them, Horse Head dropped his controller in shock. "Earth Turd wins!" the announcer shouted.

"Ha!" gloated Marcia. "Who's the turd now?"

"Still you!" And he flew off.

A square came up behind her. "Uh, I think I'm next. But with less abusive trash talk, please."

Wimp.

(!)

At the icicle bar, Starling was waiting impatiently in line as a square was trying to decide, but couldn't make up his mind. Suddenly, Horse Head came up behind him. "Hey, Starling, I'm bored. Uh, I know this other club, so let's bounce."

"Sounds cool. I'll go get Marcia."

"Oh, no-no-no-no-no. She went on ahead," the equine head said frantically. "Um, yes, she wanted to save us a good spot in the mosh pit. Yes, that is the course of events."

"Oh, classic Marcia. Always putting friends first."

(!)

At the game, Marcia crushed her square opponent. "Hah! Did you see that, Starling? Try and beat that, Pointy Head!" No one answered. "Starling? Pointy Head?"

Someone big grabbed her shoulder.

(!)

At the Scum Bucket underwater night club, Starling and Horse Head danced to the music. At one point, they crowd surfed. Horse Head asked, "Is this not a blast or what, D-Fly?"

"Yeah-heah! But I don't see Marcia anywhere."

Horse Head brushed it off. "Pfft! You got me, boyo. And I'm way more fun!"

Starling raised an eyebrow. "Uh, what are you talking about?"

It was time to come clean. Horse Head admitted sheepishly, "Uh, heh, funny story. You're gonna love it. ...I kinda ditched her and left her in the other dimension. Oops."

"WHAT?!" The prince jumped off the mosh pit.

"D-Fly!"

"How could you do that to my best friend?!"

Horse Head was taken aback by this. " _Best friend_?! Last time I checked, the best friend was _me_!"

"I can have two best friends. Unless one of them is a friend-ditching liar."

Horse Head looked down in shame. "That Earth Turd means that much to you?"

"She's the best turd I've ever known."

Horse Head sighed. He should have known. And now, he knew Starling was going to find out the real reason he came sooner or later. He just didn't think sooner was now. "Okay."

(!)

Back at the arcade, the robots shined a flashlight in a tied up Marcia's eyes. "For the last time, where is he?!"

"I'm telling you! I don't know," she cried.

"Not talking, eh? What if I do... this?!" One of the robots flickered the light on and off.

"Stop! That's really annoying!"

Suddenly, the princes appeared. "There he is," Starling said. "Crystal Dagger-"

"Wait," ordered Horse Head. "It's too dangerous, boyo...Hold out your hand." He placed the scissors in Starling's hand.

"Your dimension scissors?"

"I won't need 'em where I'm going."

"But, Horse Head..."

"Oh, hey, creeps," called out Horse Head. The robots turned to face him. "I heard you're looking to ride with a pony! So come and get me!" The robots chased after him. Marcia, alone now, struggled to untie herself, managing to get one hand out. "Stand back, Marco!"

Star pointed the scepter at the ropes. "No! It's okay! My hand is free—!"

"Shiny Emerald Snake Strike!"

The ropes turned into green snakes, releasing their grip on her. "Blech!"

"Marcia, stop playing around!" Starling pulled him out of the snakes and after Horse Head.

As the robots continued to chase him, Horse Head used his unicorn horn to blast several arcade machines, making clouds of dust and scaring the square nerds. "I feel so alive!" he shouted. He nearly got caught by the masked men. He blasted hanging stalactites with his magic, and they fell onto the masked men. He laughed, but celebrated too soon. He slammed into a wall and found himself surrounded by more guards.

Starling and Marcia appeared and got ready to fight. "Back off, creeps," Starling shouted.

"Don't worry, Horse Head! We've got your back! ...Of your head," said Marcia.

Horse Head smiled sadly. Suddenly, a booming female voice rang out. "Time to give it up, laddie."

Starling's eyes widened. "Is that...Queen Horse Head?"

The horse head queen was a giant...well...horse head with green fur and a blue mane. Prince Horse Head looked down sadly. "Hello, mommy."

"Hello, prince."

"What is she doing here?" Starling asked her Mewni best friend.

"Oh, D-Fly, it's the end of the line for me. But at least I got in one last night of fun with you, boyo."

Starling was confused. "One last night? Before what?"

Horse Head started crying. "Before this! _I'm going to St. O's_!"

Starling was horrified. "Not Saint Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princes and Princesses!" His best friend was going to be sent to the worst place on Mewni?! What did he do to deserve that?!

"Oh, it's true. I did it to myself. I'm headed to the slammer."

"It's reform school, cupcake, not jail," Queen Horse Head said. "Although admittedly it is a lot like jail."

Starling gave his friend a hug. "Oh, Horse Head! You knew you'd get sent to St. Olga's, but you still came back to save Marcia."

"Oh, well, you know... It's hard to say it, but she _is_ your other bestie. Okay, I said it." He practically gagged when he said that.

"Ohhhh... Come here! Hugs!" The two of them hugged. Then Starling dragged Marcia into the group hug. The hug abruptly ended when the robots grabbed Horse Head and dragged her away.

"All right, Prince," the robots said. "Time to go."

"Bye, Pony Boy! I'm gonna miss you," Starling called out.

"Hey, Pony Boy," Marcia called out. "Good luck in royal brat jail."

Horse Head smiled. "Aw. Thanks, Earth Tu— I mean, thank you, Marcia. But don't worry about me! No jail can hold on to me for long! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" He was sent to St. Olga's with a smile on his face.

Before she disappeared, Queen Horse Head had this to say, "Kids... You have 'em, and then you... wish they weren't around."

Starling smiled. "My besties _are_ besties!"

Marcia wasn't so sure about that. "Yeah... I wouldn't go that far." Suddenly she remembered, "Hey! We're stuck in another dimension!"

Starling smiled. "Oh, no, we're not." He held up the dimensional scissors Horse Head gave him. "Now we can go anywhere we want. Anywhere in the entire universe."

"I know just the place."

(!)

The place Marcia had in mind? Home. With her and Starling doing nothing but watch TV and eating nachos.


	3. Chapter 3

Starling (in his Edgar outfit) and Marcia were at school, walking to their homeroom. "I like red, I like hoodies. So I bought a dozen of them," she said.

"Hey, it's that magic girl!" a random kid shouted.

Every waved to say hello. Starling waved back. "Hi, new friends! Hi! Everyone's so cool here, Marcia. It makes me wish my parents had tossed me out of the castle years ago."

"Oh, you haven't even met the coolest guys," Marcia pointed to two girls. One was a skinny Hispanic and the other was a fat ginger. "Alicia and Fergie."

"Quick here he comes," Alicia exclaimed.

Fergie lifts up her shirt partway to reveal a face drawn on her stomach. A boy walking by was repulsed when he saw this. Fergie moves her stomach to make it look like it's talking. "Hey, hey. Are those books? Where are you going with those books? Do you like to read—" The boy, grossed out, ran away.

"Oh, dear," Alicia groaned.

"They're usually cooler," Marcia lamented.

Starling watched everything with pity. "I gotta fix Fergie up."

Suddenly, they both heard the sound of a skateboard rolling by. Riding on the skateboard was a pretty teenager with blonde hair with a green streak. He was wearing tan pants, white shoes, a green and white shirt and a seashell necklace. Marcia was practically drooling at the sight of him. "Jack Lynn Thomas!"

"Hey, Starling Dragonfly," Jack called out as he rolled by.

"Hi, Jackie!" Then he gasped. "I need to fix _you_ up!"

Marcia gasped. "What?!"

"Oh, come on. I'm almost as good at matchmaking as I am with magic." Starling accidentally blasted her face with magic, leaving her with a burnt face and frizzy hair with a bald spot. She was not convinced at all. "I'm good," she said.

(!)

In homeroom, everyone was at their desks, focusing on their tests. Except for Starling, who was busy doodling on the desk. "Look-look-look-look-look! It's my name! It's my name! With a star inside a butterfly and two hearts. _And_ a spider."

Mr. Skullnick, monstrously annoyed, slammed a test paper onto Star's desk before passing out the rest of the papers. "As you can see, class, most of you have done a pathetic job.

"Not me," said Starling cheerfully. "I got an 'F' for 'fantastic'!"

"That's an 'F' for 'fail'." pointed out Marcia.

Starling looked at the paper. "Huh?"

"What? You don't have tests on Mewni?"

"Uh... So what grade did you get?"

Marcia showed him his paper. "Only the best grade you _can_ get: A-plus _with_ a smiley face."

Starling eyed it with fascination. "Ooh... I want the best one too!"

"No, Starling! Don't!"

Too late. Starling was already walking to the teacher's desk. "Oh, Mister Skullnick!" The mean teacher turned to face Starling and crushed the chalk he was holding in his own hand. "Hey, Skullzy! Can you please do me a teeny favor and turn my 'F' into an 'A'?"

"You're whining about a lousy grade? I finally got a dame with a boat, and she left me at the dock!"

Starling raised an eyebrow. "The dock?"

" _The dock isn't the important part_!"

Starling chewed on his scepter, thinking.

"I guess I'm doomed to dry land," Mister Skullnick said sadly.

"I got it!" exclaimed Starling. "I'll cast a spell to get you the perfect guy, and you can give me the perfect grade."

"What?!"

"Chick Magnet..."

"WAIT!"

"...Love Storm!"

With a wave of the scepter, Starling turned the teacher into...an ugly green troll with a red gem in his belly button. Everyone gasped in horror at the ugly sight. "Starling, what did you do?!" exclaimed Marcia.

"Uh," Starling said, unsure. "I think I turned him into a troll."

At first the students were disgusted, then they cheered, "Starling Dragonfly rules!"

Mister Skullnick looked at himself in a mirror and screamed. "I'M HIDEOUS!"

"Quick, change her back," Marcia shouted.

"Oh, okay, yeah, right," he said nervously. "Okay, yeah... Lightning Change Back!"

The three of them vanished, then reappeared in Star's room. "Huh. Where are we?" asked Starling.

"You just zapped us back to the house," Marcia shrieked.

"Ohhhh... I wish I knew how I did that. It could really come in handy if I don't feel like using my legs."

Skullnick just screamed.

(!)

Outside, Buff Frog saw everything. He returned to Luda's castle with the news. "Luda, mistress. Starling Dragonfly has come home from school early today and he seems... distracted."

Luda, who was licking an ice cream cone, stopped and smiled. "Distracted? Excellent! This is the moment I've been waiting for. No one's at their best when they're... distracted!" She laughed manically. "Finally...I'll get my hands on that glorious scepter!" She tossed the ice cream cone away where it landed on a minion's face. "When it transforms, it'll match my hat! And I'll get my big, sexy girl body! Kick down the tower. Zip, zap, zip-zip, zip, zap! And... I'm a lifeguard!" She jumped onto a harpy minion and started pressing her hands into her chest. "One, two, three..."

"Uh," the harpy said confused. "Is that CPR?"

"Silence! ...Yes. Unfortunately, I was too late."

"Uh..."

(!)

Back in Starling's room, Starling and Marcia had tied the transformed teacher to a chair, who was still sobbing loudly.

"Please don't cry, Mister Skullnick," Starling cooed.

"Starling, we can't keep stalling," Marcia said as she mopped the flood of tears. "You're gonna have to call your dad. She'll know how to reverse the spell.

"No! I can't ask for help! If my parents find out about this, they're gonna send me to..." He gulped. "St. Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princes and Princesses! It's a terrible, horrible place, and no one who goes there ever comes out the same!" He screamed. A long scream.

Marcia asked, "Is it all out yet?"

"Almost." He screamed again. "Okay, I'm done."

"Look, Starling, you just need to get the information without letting her know what's going on. You know, dance around the truth."

"I'm a great dancer." Starling danced around the room and pulled down a curtain revealing a large mirror. "Mirror, mirror on the wall... Call Dad."

"Calling Tam," the mirror said.

The prince was horrified. "W-w-w-w-w-w-w-"

The image of a pale-skinned, red-haired, three-eyed demoness appeared in the mirror. "Starling!"

"No. No."

"W-Wait! You're here, I'm here—"

"I said "call Dad", not Tam."

"No! Starling! _**DON'T HANG UP!**_ " she shrieked.

Starling, unafraid whatsoever, hung up. "I gotta delete her off my mirror." King Moon's image then appeared in the mirror. "Oh, Starling, laddie, what a pleasant surprise!"

"So, Dad..." Oh, man, Starling had no idea what to say to him. "Let's just say that someone accidentally turned someone into a troll with the scepter. Not that I would do that, no, because that would be completely irresponsible—" Suddenly, there was a loud crash. Marcia ran off to check it out.

"Starling, what is going on?!" exclaimed King Moon.

Starling hung up. "Gotta go, bye! What happened?!"

Marcia pointed to a hole in the wall. One caused by Skullnick. "She jumped out the window!"

Skullnick tried to run away, only to be tackled by Marcia. Starling caught up with them. "Wow, good job, Marcia."

"'Wow, good job, Marcia'." mocked a familiar voice. It was Luda and her army.

"Luda! What are you doing here?"

"Catching you at your most distracted!"

"What? I have been way more distracted than this."

Luda eyed the troll. "I don't know. You seem... pretty distracted."

"Nah, not really."

"Oh, well... What's that over there?!"

"What? Where?"

"GET HIM!"

Marcia and Star ran away. The monsters chased after them, trampling over Skullnick in the process. Luda climbed up her giraffe minion's neck and jumped onto the back of a flying bat creature. As the monsters approached the two teens, Starling jumped into the air. "|Dagger Crystal Heart Attack! Feel the love!" Crystal hearts impaled some of the minions. Luckily, it didn't kill them, but it sure hurt.

"I'm obligated to warn you," Marcia warned as she put a white bandana on around her head. "I'm a green belt...with a stripe."

The monsters faked being scared and laughed. Marcia picked up a rake and spun it around before smacking the Bearicorn and sweeping the Three-eyed Potato Baby's legs and struck his face with the rake end. Big Chicken attacked Marco from behind and pecks at him continuously. "Ow! Hey, ow! Stop it!" Marcia kicks Big Chicken in the beak and knocks him over.

Another minion appeared behind Marcia and cracked his knuckles. Buff Frog threw a punch at Starling. She dodged and bit Buff Frog's arm, making her yell in pain. The crocodile minion snapped its jaws at Starling, misses, and smacked her away with its tail. As Starling flew backward, he spun around and struck a three-eyed minion with his scepter, making a large bump on his head. Then he saw a minotaur giving Marcia a beat down. "Rainbow blast!" A rainbow punched the minotaur into the air and she landed next to Skullnick. They looked at each other with love in their eyes.

Starling saw this and smiled. "Narwhal blast." He muttered, not even turning to face the minion he just blasted.

"Well, uh, I should probably be getting back. Kids ain't gonna fight themselves, you know." The female minotaur said...well, she would if anyone could make out what she was saying. "Maybe I'll see you around sometime."

Starling nodded. He knew what to do. "Hey, Marcia, you can handle this for a minute on your own, right?"

"Oh, yeah, sure."

"Cool, thanks!" And he took off running after Skullnick.

"Wait..." Marcia realized Starling just left her all alone with a gang of monsters who all want to beat her up.

Meanwhile, Starling caught Skullnick trying to hop a fence. "Oh, Mister Skullnick!"

"What?"

"See that monster over there?" He pointed to the minotaur. "She thinks you're cute."

"Really? Ooh! What should I do?"

"Wait right there." He walked over to the minotaur. "Hey there, monster girl. See that troll over there?"

The minotaur nodded and babbled happily and walked over to him. The other monsters chased after Marcia. "Starling! Help me!"

"Get her," Luda shouted. "Get her!"

"Hey, guys! I think you forgot something."

The monsters skidded to a halt and watched Star's scepter turn yellow. "GET THE SCEPTER!" shouted Luda.

"Thermonuclear Butterfly Blast!"

Ludo whimpered, "Not again."

There was a tremendous explosion and a flash of light. When the flash dimmed out, Starling found himself surrounded by an unconscious army of monsters. Luda tried desperately to wake them up. Marcia just stared in shock, covered in ashes and butterflies.

"Get up," ordered Luda.

Starling loomed over her. "Told you I wasn't distract— Wait, did I just kill that guy?"

"No, he's not dead. He's probably just bleeding internally _and being a total baby about it_! Stupid wuss. Get up, you dipsticks!" Groaning, the army left through the portal Luda created. All except for the minotaur, who was currently snogging Skullnick, much to Marcia's disgust.

"So... now that I hooked you up, how about that 'A'?" asked Starling.

"Honey, please! I'd give you an A-plus if I was still a teacher. I'm setting sail with Madame Big Boobs here."

"What about my 'A'?!"

"Try studying."

Starling frowned. "Wah-wah," trumpeted Marcia.

(!)

Back at school the next day, Starling explained why the sudden lack of teacher in the homeroom. "So anyway, long story short, Skullnick ran off with this weird woman-bull girl thing to another dimension, and now he is gone forever."

Everyone cheered. Even Jack Lynn Thomas was impressed as he said, "Wow, Star, that is so rad, boyo!"

"Thanks. But actually..." He pulled Marcia in. "It's Marco who deserves _all_ the credit."

"Really? That's awesome!"

Marcia blushed and shied away. All the students cheered for Starling and Marcia. All of a sudden, a portal opened up and Skullnick came flying out. It closed just as suddenly.

"Mister Skullnick?" Marcia asked, noticing the heartbreak on his face.

"She dumped me! I think. I don't know. _I couldn't understand a word she was saying_!"

"Welcome back, Skullzers," Starling said, trying to stay positive, but Skullnick wasn't having any of it. "Get ready for the worst pop quiz of your lives!"

All the students glared at Marcia. Since she took all the credit, they assumed it was her fault. Jack Lynn Thomas shook his head before walking away. Marcia frowned sadly. "Sorry, Marco," apologized Staring. "I didn't mean to embarrass you in front of Jack."

"Are you kidding?! That's the most he's ever talked to me!"

Starling gasped excitedly. "Then that means I'm even _better_ at matchmaking than I am with magic!"

He accidentally blasted Marcia with a torrent of magic again, burning her badly. Starling dumped a glass of water on her to put out the fires. Marcia didn't even react.


	4. Chapter 4

It was Spirit Week at Echo Creek Academy, which means it was time for the annual pep rally. The cheerleaders and the opossum school mascot was out in the playing field and all the kids were in the stands. But none of them weren't as excited as one boy: Starling Dragonfly. Hey, it was his first pep rally after all. "Oh, my gosh! I can't wait, I can't wait! My first pep rally! I'm so excited!"

"When _aren't_ you excited?" Marcia asked.

"Shh!"

Principal Skeeves said into a microphone, "And now, Brittney Wong, who became head cheerleader on her own and not because her dad made a generous donation to the school."

The spirit committee ran down the field, chanting while carrying a very bored Brittney. "Go, Echo Creek! Let's try not to get beat! Go, Echo Creek! Let's try not to get beat! Go, go, go, go, yeah!"

Then Brittney took the microphone from the principal and said, "Make some noise if you love the Awesome Opossums!" The crowd cheered while Starling squirmed in his seat. "I love opossums! They carry their babies on their backs!"

Marcia reminded him, "You know she's talking about our football team, right? We're going up against the Warriors." She shuddered at the name.

Starling looked at her. "Warriors?" Did she mean real warriors with swords and war horses?

"Our rivals from Silver Hill Prep," Alicia said.

"Every year, their team slaughters our guys," Marcia said sadly.

Ever the pessimistic teacher, Skullnik said, "It's gonna be a bloodbath." before eating an entire chicken.

Starling was horrified. Maybe they _are_ like the warriors from Mewni! "That's terrible! We must do something!"

"Well, you could join the Spirit Committee," suggested Marcia. "Those kids are _relentless_ when it comes to supporting the team." To prove his point, the male cheerleader, Ed shouted "Opossums!" and did a perfect split. "Relentless," Marcia said again.

Starling grabbed Marcia by the wrist. "What a great idea! We better pick up some supplies!"

But Marcia did not want any part of them. So she put it gently, "As fun as that sounds, you can go without me.

"Okay!" He turned to the troll teacher. "Hey, Skullzy. What's your favorite weapon?"

"Battle axe."

"Gotcha."

(!)

Brittney said into the microphone, "And now, our new mascot... that I never approved of... The Awesome Opossum!"

The Awesome Opossum was just a guy in a very old and raggedy opossum costume. Every time he tried to perform a cheer move, his costume would fall apart at the seams. "Where's the real possum?" shouted Marcia. "Did the Warriors steal it again? Those jerks!"

Alicia put a hand on her shoulder. "Sadly, the real possum wasn't playing possum."

Back on the field the mascot's mask fell off the person's head revealing...

"Hey," Marcia called out. "That's Fergie!"

Alicia nodded. "She's our new mascot!"

A look of dread appeared on Marcia's face. "Oh, no! That means the Warriors are gonna to steal _her_!"

"Oh, that's silly."

"The only thing that's silly is how the Warriors are gonna look when they try to steal my friend!"

)!)

Meanwhile, Starling was running through the school hallway. He stopped in front of a trophy case that housed pictures of former Awesome Opossums team members. Of course, Starling thought they were the victims of war. "Ah. So many brave young men. So many tragic losses." He drew a sad face on the glass.

Meanwhile, Marcia was on guard patrol, lurking around the corridors. "Alpha Team one," she said to her watch. "Commencing security sweep for the Warriors. Over." She continued to sneak through the hall, shimmying against the walls and rolling on the floor until she was next to the trophy case. Too bad she didn't see Starling. "Oh, Marcia." Caught off guard, Marcia fell on her butt. "How can we prevent another tragic loss to our team," the prince asked as he helped her up.

"Well, if I knew anything about football, I'd use the element of surprise."

Starling's eyes lit up. "Of course, of course, of course..."

"Spritz 'em! Bring out the kitty cat offense!"

"Yes?"

"Maybe even throw a couple big bombs!"

"Bombs! Yeah, I've gotta go tell that to the Spirit Committee. Bye!" And the prince sprinted off.

Once Starling was gone, Marcia resumed spy mode. "We have an all-clear. Move! Move! Move!"

"Ugh, this is not the respect a girl in a possum suit deserves," Fergie said as Alicia pushed her down the hall.

!

In the gym, Brittney was talking to a shaking friend who was standing before a giant trampoline. "Don't worry, Sabrina. The Spirit Boys are gonna catch you. Grow some pompoms!" Sabrina jumped onto the trampoline and flipped through the air. Suddenly, Starling brust into the gym, distracting the boys and making Sabrina fall to the ground.

Starling took one of the cheerleaders' pompoms and shook them. "Do these explode?" He tossed one of them like a grenade at a male cheerleader, but nothing happened. "Maybe we can set them on fire!"

Brittney took the pompoms away from him. "Uh, we're kinda in the middle of something?"

Starling remembered that Brittney was the head cheerleader and pointed his scepter at her. "You're the leader. What's the plan?"

!Brittney made a curt laugh. "This year we have a secret weapon." She snapped her fingers and was joined by two cheerleaders. "We're gonna distract them with out booty-shaking dance moves. Uh-huh."

Starling stared and blushed at the display. His pants also felt uncomfortable. Clearly, these girls were no Amazons. "Do you know nothing of combat?! No Warrior is gonna be distracted by Chantal's booty!" The aforementioned cheerleader's cheeks turned red. "Lucky for you, my mom assigned the royal guards as my babysitters."

(!)

Flashback to Starling's childhood. A royal guard kneels in front of young Starling holding a stuffed toy. "You know you've done it right when you hear the neck snap." He twists the stuffed toy's head, causing its cotton stuffing to pop out. Young Starling delighted jumps up and down, clapping his hands. "Yaaay!"

(!)

Cut back to present day. Starling chuckled at the memory. But Brittney just pointed at him. "I know on planet 'Moo-ni' or wherever it is you're from, it may be okay to be stupid, but no pesky magical foreigner is gonna question my leadership! You are officially banned from the spirit committee!" She whipped her hair.

"Fine! Looks like it's all up to me," Starling said dramatically.

Britney said into the microphone as he walked out of the gym, "Okay, thanks for coming out! Come back never!"

(!)

Outside in the parking lot with Marcia, Fergie and Alicia...

"Okay," said Marcia. "If a Warrior tries to kidnap you, blow on this stranger danger whistle."

Fergie pushed it away saying, "This is ridiculous. I just wanted to dress up like a possum to pick up on men."

"Hey! This whistle's gonna save your life! Put it in your mouth! Do it!"

"No!"

"Blow it!"

"Never! You get it away from me!"

"Let me hear you blow!"

"Get that whistle away from me!"

Meanwhile, Starling was talking to a group of stray cats in a dumpster. "You guys ready to be part of my kitty cat offense?" Meow. "Ugh, fine. Then I guess we gotta do this the hard way. Kitty!" He jumped into the dumpster and the air was filled with the sounds of fighting.

(!)

That night, Fergie, still in her opossum costume was at Marcia's house with Alicia and Marcia...and she was not happy about it at all! "Why can't I go home?! Dude, it's Taco Wednesday. It's the day we eat all the leftovers from Taco Tuesday!"

"Because," Marcia explained as she looked around. "Your house would be the first place the Warriors would look when they try to kidnap you!"

"It kinda feels like ''you're'' trying to kidnap me."

Marcia growled at her, "I'd watch that talk if you ever want to see your parents again."

"Marcia!" Marcia heard her name being called outside. She opened the blinds to find Starling fighting with a little squirrel. "Hey, Marcia, do you have any highly flammable liquid?"

"I don't know. Check the garage."

"Cool, thanks!"

Marcia closed the blinds. "Alright—"

Fergie was not paying attention. "Man, I bet I could get a lot of action if I had a real prehensile tail."

Alicia nodded. "Oh, yeah."

"I'll be like, 'Hey, boys, you care for a drink?' Wha!" Unfortunately, instead of grabbing a nearby can of soda with the stuffed tail, Fergie caused the can to spill all over Marcia's brand new laptop, shortening it out. The three girls stood in shock and silence.

(!)

It was game time. And it was a full house. The girls were doing their butt shake cheer leading routine and Marcia was still being a bodyguard to the opossum mascot, who at this point, just wanted her to get away from her.

"It's almost game time, and thanks to me, no Warriors have even gotten close to you."

Suddenly, Starling, garb in Middle Ages armor and carrying a huge mace jumped out from behind the two girls and let out a war cry. "HAAAAAH! Who's ready for a bloody, bloody bloodbath? Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

To say Marcia was disturbed was an understatement. "What's with that crazy look in your eyes?"

" _What do you mean_?"

Marcia turned to Alicia. "Watch Ferguson. I need to talk to Prince Cuckoo Pants."

Two seconds after Marcia left, Fergie was grabbed and abducted by two Warriors. "Stranger danger! STRANGER DANGER!"

"Okay, Star, what are you up to," Marcia asked.

"Exactly what you said," Starling said with pride. "I booby-trapped the battlefield."

She what? "WHAT?!"

Marcia turned to look at the field...only now instead of a playing field it now was a battle field straight out of a World War 1 movie!. "STARLING... The Warriors weren't _actually_ gonna kill our team! They were just gonna beat them in football! WHICH IS A _GAME_!"

Starling blinked. "Ohhhhh..." He just made a booboo.

The game started...and so did the carnage. The players on both sides of the field ended up tripping on tripwires and setting off land mines, sending them flying like rockets. Both the players and the fans screamed with terror. Starling was horrified. "Oh, no. Everything's going according to plan."

The referee blew his whistle again and tripped over a tripwire. The end zone lifted up like a trapdoor, and various cat creatures came out to attack the players.

Marcia deadpanned, "Let me guess, the kitty cat offense?"

Starling just chuckled nervously.

Suddenly, a giant squirrel attacked the Warriors. "We have to do something!"

"Marcia ran into the field, dodging the exploding land mines and slammed her foot on a giant squirrel's tail, stopping it in its tracks. She then karate kicked it in the face, making it fall flat on its back.

"Alright! Dude, you are awesome!"

Marcia blushed at the football player's words. "Uh, thanks, bro."

A magical bird swooped down and picked up one of the Warriors. A giant squirrel pounced on Marcia. Starling tried to rescue a Warrior from a vortex, but stopped when he saw his friend in danger. "Marcia!" And he abandoned the Warrior to his fate as he attempted to rescue her. Starling jumped into the air and pulled mace apart to reveal his magic scepter inside. "Mending Heart Hurricane!" The spell transformed a group of monsters into harmless squirrels. Meanwhile, the Spirit Committee ran across the field, with Brittney Wong shoving the others aside. "Out of my way! I am too pretty to die!" Suddenly, a giant snake popped out of the ground and swallowed her hole.

"Mending Heart Hurricane," Starling shouted, turning the giant snake back into hundreds of normal worms. Back on the ground, Brittney spat out snake saliva. While this was going on, Marcia saved some of the Warriors from the fire cats, but she was soon surrounded by fire cats and giant squirrels.

"Nuclear Heart Healing Hurricane!" Starling's spell dropped out of the sky and turned all of the monsters back to normal with a wide blast of magic.

(!)

Meanwhile, two of the Warriors continued carrying Fergie away. "Come on, fellas! Can't we discuss this man to possum?!" BOOM! The Warriors got blasted by Starling's land mines. Free, Fergie ran back to the field. What was left of it anyway. "Hey, Marcia, you were right! They were trying to kidnap me!"

Marcia was horrified. What was she doing here?! "Fergie, get off the field!

"What?! I can't hear you through all the explosions!" BOOM! Fergie stepped on a land mine, blowing her up.

"FERGIE!" Marcia ran over to the smoldering Fergie. "No, buddy! I'm sorry! I failed you! Forgive me!"

Suddenly, Fergie burst out giggling. "Dude! I was just playing possum!"

"Huh?!"

"It's what we do!"

Marcia hugged the opossum girl. "You're alive! _This_ is why you only have two friends!"

When the carnage was over, Starling walked around the remains of the football field. It was destroyed and the players, fans and cheerleaders on both sides were hurt, and it was all his fault. All because he took Marcia's words too seriously. "I've really messed up."

Marcia took his hand. "You mean, _we've_ really messed up. I should've been watching out for you."

This was too much for the Warriors. They dashed to their school bus and sped away. Suddenly, an Echo Creek football player realized, "Hey, they just forfeited. We win!"

The crowd came out of hiding and cheered. Some of them ran into the scorched playing field and lifted Marcia and Starling into the air. "Woo-hoo!" Starling completely forgot all about the sadness as he cheered. And yet... "Huh... Why do I have this weird feeling I'm forgetting something?" A giant magical bird swooped down and snatched Marco, who screamed. "That was it."


	5. Chapter 5

In Marcia's room, she was in front of a block of wood, preparing to karate chop it. She inhaled, exhaled, took aim. Starling came into the garage, humming a tune when he saw Marcia. "Huh?" Then Marcia chopped the block in half. "Whoa. You hate wood, too? Yeah, crush that wood! Wood's the worst!"

"No, I'm practicing for my upcoming Tang Soo Do tournament."

"Oh."

"You see, Star, martial arts is all about honor and discipline. Which is why..." Suddenly, she shouted, "I'm going to kick Jeremy Birnbaum's butt!"

Starling raised an eyebrow. "Jeremy Birnbaum? Isn't that the talking bear that used to rummage through my parents' garbage?"

"He's just this creep in my dojo who's only any good because his rich parents buy him fancy equipment and private lessons. But Saturday, he's gonna get a taste of this! HI-YAH!" She smashed three planks of solid wood with her right arm...and let out a scream of pain.

(!)

The next thing Marcia knew, her damaged arm was in a cast. The cast read "Get well soon! Starling!" and had other doodles drawn on it. "This is a nightmare! If I can't fight Jeremy, he'll say I wussed out, and he'll never let me live it down!"

Starling wasn't paying attention. He was looking at himself in a mirror and was magically giving himself different types of mustaches. "Pencil? Toothbrush? Handlebar? Walrus?"

Marcia looked at the scepter and a lightbulb blinked in her head. "Wait a minute. You have a wand! You could just fix my hand!"

Starling cleaned his face of facial hair and said, a little unsure, "You know... That sort of spell is not really in my comfort zone. Oh, but if you like, I can give you a pretty wicked set of pigtails."

"Pigtails?" Marcia groaned.

Starling tapped his chin. "Unless... I could look up a bone-healing spell in the Magic Instruction Book that came with the wand." Starling pulled out a giant book out from under the bed.

"What?! This whole time you had a magic instruction book?"

"Yep. Whenever the previous owner of the wand mastered a spell, they scribbled it down in here." He opened it up, releasing a thick cloud of dust. He coughed and said as he flipped through the pages, "But it's a complete disorganized mess. It's gonna take me _foreeeever_ to find—Oh! Here it is."

"Really?" Marcia hopped off the bed in anticipation.

"Hmm. It's in an ancient language." Oh, well. He might as well give it a shot. "Releasio Demonius Infestica! He shot a beam of magic that coiled around Marco's casted arm.

Marcia was excited. "Ahh... ahhh...! I can feel it working! My fingers are tingling!" The excitement turned into terror when her broken arm turned into a long, slimy blue tentacle. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Starling gasped. "Don't worry! There must be a spell in here that can change it back!" he flipped through the pages, trying so hard to find one antidote. "I can fix it!" But before he can find the right spell, the tentacle slapped the book out the window.

The next morning was a nightmare for Marcia. It wasn't the alarm clock that awoke her at the start of the day, but the monster arm. When she tried to to take a shower, the monster arm slapped the soap out of her hand and turned the hot water on so high, it burned her skin. At breakfast, Marcia was as red as a tomato and feeling miserable. Starling came to the table and yawned. "Morning, Marcia. Morning, monster arm. I was up all night, but I haven't found a way to reverse the spell." The monster arm suddenly grabs Starling's orange juice, poured it on Marcia's head, and threw the empty glass away.

(!)

Things were just as bad at school. At lunch time, Marcia did all she could to keep the monster arm from slapping it out of her normal hand.

They caught sight of a huge kid named Lars bullying a small nerd with glasses named Francis, "Hey, kid. I got a joke for you. What's the most important meal of the day?" Francis was too afraid to answer. Lars slapped his lunch tray out of his hands. "It's breakfast!"

Francis chuckled nervously, "That's a good one, Lars." Then Lars shoved his face into the food and laughed. Until the monster arm punched him across the face. "Who did that?!" Marcia quickly pointed at the monster arm. "No one hits La—!" He didn't finish his threat. The monster arm slapped him nine times until he ran away crying. Then the tentacle cleaned Francis off. Francis bowed before Marcia. "I, lady, am in your debt."

Fergie suddenly appeared and hugged Marcia. "You're a hero!" All the students cheered. Suddenly, Jack Lynn Thomas approached the arm and asked, "Can I check out that arm?"

"Uhh...sure," said Marcia.

Soon all the girls were fawning over it.

(!)

That night, in Starling's bedroom, the prince looked through his magic instruction book while Marcia played with his monster arm on Star's bed. "A-ha! I found it! A reverse tentacle spell! I think."

He thinks?! Oh, no, Marcia was not going to take any risks! "Uh, maybe you should practice on something first."

"Way ahead of you." He pointed the scepter at a plant. "Returnio Armius Normalritecus!" It burnt up.

Oh, heck no! Marcia took off running to her room. "Uh, I'm going to bed now."

"Don't worry! I'll get it!" He takes out another potted plant. "Returnius Armius Normalrinny!" It blew up. "Ugh..."

(!)

All night. Starling practiced all night. All over the room were Starling's failures: a stump with eyes, a green foot, a multi-layered hand, a foot with six toes, a large rock arm, flowers with toes, and ballooned hands. By this point, Starling was exhausted. "Returnio... Armius... Normalrino..." A human hand appeared. Starling smiled. "Did it! Marcia!"

(!)

Starling found Marcia doing pushups with her monster arm. "673... 674... 675..."

"I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I DID IT!"

Marcia stopped exercising and said, "Hey, I think this monster arm might actually help me take out Jeremy. Hiiii-YAH!" She broke nine stacked pieces of wood with the monster arm."

Starling scrunched his eyebrows. "Wait. You're gonna fight with _that_? That sounds kind of unfair."

Marcia's eyes narrowed at him and pointed the monster arm at him. "Ohhhh, funny how you never have a problem using your magic when it benefits _you_ , but as soon as it gives _me_ an advantage, you want to take it away!" Starling was such a hypocrite!

Starling did not like what she was saying. "Marcia, I think that arm's a bad influence on you."

"And _I_ think you should go."

"What? Fine! But I don't—!" He didn't finish his sentence as Marcia pushed him out the door and slammed it in his face. "Huh! Man, what does he know?"

"Don't listen to him. He's just jealous."

Marcia looked down at the monster arm with shock. "Wha...?! You can talk?!"

Indeed, the monster arm grew a mouth and it was speaking to her in a very seductive female voice. "You don't need him anymore. I can give you everything you ever dreamed of."

"Really?"

"First, we're gonna destroy that little punk Jeremy."

"Yeah..."

"Then we're gonna get Jack Lynn Thomas to like you."

"Yeah!"

" _And then we're gonna slaughter all humans and feast on their bowels!_ "

"YEAH!" What did it say?! "Wait, what?"

"I mean, uh, w-win the tournament!"

"Yeah!"

!

At the dojo, a very, very tired Starling pushed his way through the crowd. "Excuse me. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. ...Sorry." She took his seat next to Fergie and Alicia who both noticed the bags under the prince's eyes."

"Are you okay, Star?" asked Alicia.

"You look terrible," said Fergie. "And I have very low standards."

Starling yawned. "I've been up for two nights trying to fix her monster arm, then she gets mad, and then I got to come here and watch her _karate_ , you know?

Sensei Brantley, a red belt karate master with brown hair and goatee made the anouncement. "Allow me to introduce our first competitor, Jeremy Birnbaum!" In walked a small, eight-year-old boy with blonde hair and blue eyes. Around his gi was a black belt. He made his way to the center of the arena and let out a yell. Starling was stunned. " _That's_ Jeremy?!" All this time Marcia had been losing to a little boy?!

Fergie was shocked as well. "That kid can't be any more than eight years old!"

"We love you, son!" said a woman in the crowd.

"Shut it, Mom!"

"And his opponent, Marco Diaz," announced the sensei.

When Marcia entered the arena, everyone gasped at the sight of the monster arm. His face was contorted with an ugly look of hate.

"Now _that's_ an appendage," Jeremy's father commented.

Jeremy pointed out, "Hey, wait! She's got a monster arm! That's not fair!"

Sensei nodded with a smile. "Yeah! Pretty cool, right?"

DING!

Jeremy didn't even get a chance to defend himself. Marcia's monster armed grabbed him by the throat and started tossing him around like a rag doll. At one point, the arm threw him into the trophy case, smashing it to pieces, coiled around his leg and slammed him into the floor. Jeremy let out a groan of pain.

"Point, Diaz," called out the sensei.

Marcia laughed maniacally. "Where are your private lessons now, Jeremy? Huh?"

The monster arm coiled around Jeremy's body. "He's beaten. Now finish him!"

Marcia couldn't believe what she was hearing. "What?"

"This is what you've always wanted. Destroy him! Eat his bowels!"

Jeremy screamed, "Not my bowels! I love my bowels!"

Marcia pointed at the monster arm with her normal arm. "Hey, listen, I just wanted to win the tournament so he wouldn't make fun of me just because I'm a girl!"

The monster arm growled at him. "If you're too weak to finish him, I'll do it myself!" It tore Jeremy's gi off, revealing his stomach. The poor boy let out a scream.

Marcia grabbed the monster arm. "Starling was right about you...! You _are_ a bad influence!"

"And you are pathetic. "The monster arm threw Jeremy into a punching bag. The punching bag swung backward and hit Jeremy's face.

"Point, Diaz," called out the sensei.

The monster arm attacked Marcia and coiled itself around her neck. "Starling?! You can change it back now!"

But Starling was fast asleep. Fergie shook her. "Starling, you gotta wake up! Staaaaarliiiiing!"

Meanwhile, the monster arm was using Marcia's regular arm to slap herself. "Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."

It was no good, Fergie couldn't wake the prince up. "Here, try this," Alicia handed Fergie a beverage.

"Oh, thank you so much." Slurp.

"No! On Starling!"

Oh, right. "Fergie splashed Starling and he awoke with a shriek and spat out water. Then he saw what was happening to Marcia. "Star..." she choked.

Quickly, Starling pulled out his scepter. "Returnio Armius Normalrino!" Starling blasted the monster arm with magic but it dodged, and the beam turns a punching bag into an arm. "Returnio Armius Normalrino!" "The monster arm dodged again, and Star's magic turned a dumbbell into an arm. A third blast turned a towel into an arm. A fourth blast created a pair of arms next to Sensei that pound together. Sensei bowed to the arms in return. "Hai."

Starling kept blasting magic after magic, but the monster arm just laughed and jumped onto the ceiling. "I could do this all day."

Starling groaned. "It's too wiggly!"

"Marcia looked down and saw all the arms Star made with her magic. She pushes herself and the monster arm off the ceiling, and the arms caught them as they fell. The arms held up the monster arm and Marcia yelled, "Now!"

" _Returnio Armius Normalrinooooo!_ "

The monster arm screamed as the magic affected it. "You'll never get rid of me! I'm part of you now! You can treat the symptoms, but you'll never cure the viruuuus...!"

Marcia's arm returned to normal as she groaned in relief.

Starling, Fergie and Alicia came running to her. "Marcia, are you okay?"

Marcia hugged her arm. "My arm! My beautiful arm. It's back to normal." Crack. "And totally broken."

Jeremy, in spite of the bruises, still smiled smugly. "Broken arm? Hah! Well, it looks like I win." A pair of brass knuckles fell out of Jeremy's gloves and unfortunately for him, everyone including the sensei saw. "Brass knuckles? Seriously?"

"Pfft! 'Brass?' They're _gold_."

The sensei pointed at him and Marcia. "You kids have brought shame and dishonor to this great and noble sport. 'Tis a sad day for strip mall dojos everywhere."

Jeremy kicked at the floor before stomping away.

"Oh-ho, bravo, son! Bravo!"

Jeremy growled, "I wish I could fight _you_ , Mom."

"What a turd," Fergie said. Alicia nodded.

Marcia walked over to Starling and did what she should have done. "Sorry. I should've listened to you, Star."

"I know."

Marcia got worried. "Hey, uh, when the monster arm said he'd be back, that's nothing to worry about, right?"

"Uhhh... probably not?"


	6. Chapter 6

Starling walked down the stairs to the kitchen, yawning as he reached for food...only to let out a yelp of surprise when the lights suddenly came on. "SURPRISE!" shouted the Diaz family. It looked like they had set up a party. Everyone, including the laser eye puppies, were wearing party hats, streamers were everywhere and there was a large banner that said, "Happy 47th Day on Earth, Starling!"

Starling was ecstatic. "A party? For me? I can't believe it!"

Marcia raised an eyebrow. "You can't? We've done this every day since you got here." Every. Single. Day.

"Here, Star. I made you a cake." Mr. Diaz placed a cake with Starling's face on it on the table.

"And I wrote you a poem," said Mrs. Diaz. "Our lives were so small and puny 'til this angel arrived from Mewni." Starling gave her a hug. Marcia gave him a weird look.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. "Ah, thank goodness," Marcia said. When she opened the door, there stood a girl that looked like she came straight out of a Scandinavian post card. Even her accent was Scandinavian. "Hello! It is I, Gertrude!"

Marcia's eyes went wide. "No way!"

"Marcia! My American friend! Give me a hug." The two girls embraced each other before Marcia dragged her into the house. "Look who's here!"

Mr. Diaz gasped. "How wonderful!"

"What a wonderful surprise!" Mrs. Diaz exclaimed. "We missed you so much!"

Starling was confused. "Um... hi."

The Scandinavian girl shook Starling's hand. "Oh, hello. I am Gertrude. I was the Diazes' exchange student last year."

"Last year?" Starling turned to the Diaz family. "What?! But I thought I was your one and only foreign exchange student."

Marcia chuckled. "Not even close. I mean, who did you think all these kids were?" He pointed to a wall of photos that Starling had never really had a good look at before. It had fifteen other children and...a robot and an alpaca?

Starling suddenly no longer felt so special anymore. "Hmm..."

Gertrude reached into her bags. "I brought gifts from Scandinavia! For Mrs. D, a pair of clogs, for Marco, the handheld game Lederhosen Tycoon, and for Mr. Diaz, a genuine Viking helmet." The Diaz family took the gifts with excitement. Then Gertrude turned to Starling. "And for you... nothing! I did not know you existed! Ha-ha!"

Starling looked down in disappointment. "Oh." Then again, he should be fair. I mean, like this girl said, she didn't even know she even existed.

Gertrude poked Mrs. Diaz's belly. "Oh! Mrs. D, you've gotten so thin. I need to fatten you up." Everyone except Starling laughed. "Come, everyone, and I will cook you my meatballs."

The family followed Gertrude into the kitchen. Starling's heart filled with two things: jealousy and loneliness.

As she prepared a meal, Gertrude was telling the Diaz family a story from Scandinavia. "The Scandinavian monsoons were over, but the danger had just begun. The iceberg was sinking. Heedless of my own peril, I disrobed. I dove into the freezing fjord and I carried Yuri back to his mother!"

The Diaz family was impressed. Except for Starling who made a bored, "Meh." He had done things more exciting than that.

"Marcia, think fast!" Gertrude flung a meatball at Marcia, who caught it with her mouth and ate nosily.

"So, uh, Gertrude," Starling asked. "Where exactly are you from?

Gertrude narrowed her eyes at him. "How much do you know about Europe?"

"I know it's a place. I'm pretty sure."

Gertrude raised her hands in excitement. "Ohhh, well, then. I come from the country of Scandinavia. It is a land where Vikings teach gym class and everyone has a pet penguin, even if you don't like penguins. 'Oop, too bad, here's your penguin.'"

Marcia called out, "Hey, Gustav, I'm open. Meatball me!" Gertrude tossed a meatball at the girl, who caught it in her mouth.

"Ooh, now me, Gustav. Now me!" Mr. Diaz shouted. Gertrude did the same thing to him. Before long, the Diazes and Gertrude got into a meatball food fight.

Starling grimaced at the scene. "Are you sure those are cooked?" Then, Gertrude played hacky sack with the meatballs while the Diazes tried to catch them with their mouths. This was getting too weird, even for Starling.

Marcia laughed as she ate, "Just think – three more weeks of this!"

Starling didn't know what to say. At all.

(!)

The next morning, Starling, clad in pajamas, walked down the stairs. "SURPRISE!" called out the Diazes.

Starling looked surprised. Again. "A party for-!" He stopped when he saw the banner that read, "Happy 2nd Day of Your Visit, Gertrude!"

"Happy second day of your visit, Gertrude!"

Gertrude came running down the stairs. "Oh, Diaz family. You are so full of pleasantness."

Starling saw that the Diazes made a cake with the Scandinavian girl's face on it. Feeling jealous and annoyed, he sat down on the sofa where Gertrude's backpack was. Suddenly, he saw something weird in the open backpack. A map of Scandinavia and two books, "Scandinavian for Doofuses" and "Customs of Scandinavia". He took the first book out and said, "Whaaat?"

|''Inside Gustav's bag are a map and the books [[Scandinavian for Doofuses]] and [[Customs of Scandinavia]]. Star picks up the Scandinavian for Doofuses book.''

Suddenly, Gertrude snatched the book out of his hand and put it back in her backpack. "Oh, look at you. Such a curious boy. Now, eat your cake and mind your own business!"

Starling did not like the way she said that last sentence in that harsh whisper. "Okay?"

Gertrude's cheerful tone returned and handed him a cake. "More cake for everyone!"

While Gertrude partied with the Diaz parents, Starling pulled Marcia and made her sit next to him. "Marcia, listen. I think there's something off about Gertrude. I found Scandinavian books and language tapes in her bag. Why would someone need to learn her own language?"

"Uh..."

"Why is she always making meatballs? Meatballs aren't so great. I can make things too!"

To prove his point, Starling cast a spell and produced a dancing spider in a top hat.

Marcia smiled at him. "Uh, jealous much?"

Wait, what? Why do always confuse suspiciousness with jealousy?

"Hey, Marcia, think fast!" Gertrude tossed another meatball and Marcia caught it with her mouth. "I hope he never leaves!" She didn't even finish chewing. Starling as Marcia joined the rest of the family and Gertrude. Only Starling noticed the menacing smile Gertrude made.

(!)

Something was definitely up. For the next few days, Starling watched Gertrude in secret, taking note of every suspicious moment she made. First, Gertrude made a suspicious phone call in the bathroom. Second, she went to the wood shed and put an axe in her backpack. Third, Gertrude continued to make more meatballs. Weird. Not as weird as the frog monster girl sitting in the same tree Starling was hiding in.

Then there was the fourth suspicious moment. Gertrude taking the Diaz family's measurements while they were sleeping. Could he be...?

(!)

One morning, Marcia knocked on Starling's door. "Oh, Star. We're about to—" Suddenly, she was pulled into the room. She was scared by what she saw. Pictures of Gertrude taped all over the wall with thumb tacks nailed in them and Starling was wide-eyed and panting heavily. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. "What's going on?!"

Starling pinned her against the wall and laughed crazily. "I've been awake for days spying on Gertrude, and I'm _this_ close to figuring out what she's plotting!" He laughed again as he placed another photo on the wall.

"What?!" exclaimed Marcia.

"Her stories don't add up, Marcia! Penguins? Icebergs? Polar bears?! What the heck is a polar bear?! And she's making phone calls, Marco. PHONE CALLS! She's up to something terrible!"

Marcia just blinked. "You have lost your mind." Starling's face faulted. "But if you find it, we're meeting Gertrude for a picnic at Isolation Point, where no one can hear you scream... with enjoyment!" And she left the room.

Left alone, Starling began to reconsider. Maybe he wasn't suspicious after all. Maybe he was just jealous that the Diazes are hanging with another exchange student. But, as he thought more, he thought back on how Gertrude was feeding them all those meatballs, how Gertrude made comments about their weight, and how Gertrude took their measurements while they slept. Suddenly, he realized with horror, "Gertrude's not taking them _on_ a picnic! They _are_ the picnic!"

He ran outside, but it was too late, the car was going. "Wait!" But he wasn't giving up. He raised the scepter and shouted, "Bunny Rabbit Blast!" He rocketed toward the car with a blast of bunnies. He landed on the roof of the car and secured himself with a magic seatbelt. Then he shouted and banged against the windows, "YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" But they couldn't hear him over their loud singing.

Suddenly, he saw a sign in the road that read "ISOLATION PT." and pointing right. He blasted the sign with magic to make it point left. As the minivan went left, Starling jumped off the roof and ran to the right.

In the middle of the wooded area, Starling hid in the bushes and watched as Gertrude set up a campfire. Then his eyes widened with horror as the "Scandinavian" girl pulled out the axe from her backpack. He jumped out of the bushes and shouted, "I knew you were up to no good, meatball girl!" Gertrude screamed and ran off into the woods. "Get back here!" Starling chased after her and began casting random spells. "Dagger Heart Blast! Glowworm Blast! Narwhal Blast!" Gertrude avoided all the spells and crossed a rope bridge. She cut the bridge and laughed. But his laugh died when Starling cast another spell. "Glitter Dragon Escalation!"

Gertrude's eyes widened as the scepter conjured a giant dragon made out of the collapsed bridge. And riding it was Starling. "Give it up, Gertrude!" Gertrude to run away, but the dragon tripped her over. It disappeared and Starling landed next to her. "It's over, Gertrude! I know you aren't who you say you are.

Suddenly, she started crying, "It's true! I'm full of lies!"

"So, you admit you're planning to eat the Diazes?!"

"Yes, yes! ...Wait, what? No, I don't want to eat them!"

"But you said..."

To Starling's surprise, the girl was no longer speaking in a Scandinavian accent anymore. In fact, she sounded just like an American. "I mean, I'm not from Scandinavia. Truth is my name is Charlie Booth, and I'm just a girl from Bakersfield...ville." He looked down sadly and kicked a stone. "Nobody's heard of it. Back home, I'm just another boring face in a really boring crowd. It's not a good place for a talented guy like me."

Starling was still confused. "But what about the phone calls? And the axe? And those meatballs?!"

Charlie smiled and explained, "Well...The phone calls were to my meat guy, but he wouldn't pick up. The axe was to cut firewood for today's feast. As for the meatballs, my dream is to become a chef and open a restaurant in Bakersfieldville that uses spices and flavors! So that's why I ran away and moved in with the Diazes."

"But what about measuring the Diazes in their sleep?"

"Uhhhhh..." She didn't really have an answer for that.

Suddenly, the Diazes arrived. Guess they realized they made the wrong turn. "Star?! What a pleasant surprise!" called out Mr. Diaz.

Mrs. Diaz was pleased. "You made it!"

"Yeah, I did. And I came here to tell you something about Gertrude!" He was about to reveal the secret when he saw the sad look on the girl's face and the happy expressions on the Diazes. No. He couldn't spoil their happiness. "He's made you even more meatballs!"

The Diazes cheered and ran for the campfire. Charlie exhaled in relief. "Phew. Thanks for not blowing my cover, Star. If there's ever anything I can do for you..."

"Well, as a matter of fact, Charlie, there is."

(!)

It was late that evening when "Gertrude" packed her things, ready to leave to Scandinavia. The Diazes were sad to see him go, but Starling was a bit too happy. "Bye! Bye-bye, Gertrude! Bye!"

"See you next year, Gertrude," Marcia called out.

Starling chuckled, "Or not! You never know! Bye now!"

As soon as Starling and Marcia returned indoors, the latter's parents, called out, "Surprise! Happy 51st day on Earth, Star." There was another banner and another cake with her face on it.

"Aah! A party for me?!"

"Who wants cake?"

Starling sat at the table with the Diazes and ate her cake. But she did feel a little bad. "I'm sorry your favorite exchange student had to leave so soon."

"You kidding? You're my favorite," Marcia said.

Starling gave her a hug. "Aww..."

"I will miss seeing her, though. That girl is just so... _real_."

(!)

Somewhere down the block, Charlie switched clothes and accents. She knocked on the door of her other exchange family and said, "Bonjour!"


	7. Chapter 7

There was a battle going on that night in the Diaz family's backyard. "Cupcake blast!" Starling fired upon the monsters with cupcake projectiles. One of the monsters cut off the head of a coyote sculpture. Starling and Marcia ran into the backyard shed as the monsters followed. And leading the monsters was none other than Luda. Surprise, surprise. "We've got them cornered!"

Marcia locked the door and barricaded it with paint buckets. She cried, "How could I have been so stupid?"

Starling watched in confusion as his friend looked for more objects to barricade the door. "Marcia, what the heck is going on?"

Marcia said with uncertainty. "Uh... this may be all my fault?"

"What?! What did you..." Star noticed a three-eyed monster looking inside through the open window blinds. He closed them before resuming his sentence. ''What did you _do_?"

"Um..." Marcia fell off the shelf trying to pick up a heavy Day Of The Dead bust. "Hold this. Uh, we're gonna need to build some armor."

"Marcia?"

"Okay," Marcia said, putting on a protective welding mask. "Where does dad keep his blowtorch?" The monsters outside shook the shed, and the blowtorch fell into her hand. "Heh-heh! There it is!"

Starling was getting tired of being ignored. "Marcia! Marcia Diaz!'' Finally, Marcia turned around. Starling dropped the bust onto the floor. "What... is going... on?"

Finally, Marcia came clean. "Look, do you remember when I was having that really bad day?"

(!)

Let's flash back to earlier that day when Marcia was trying to catch up with a moving school bus. "Wait! Stop!" She pounded on the side of the bus, but the driver did not stop. Starling stuck his head out the window. "Look at you, jogging to school. In the zone."

Marcia panted, "I'm trying... to catch... the bus!"

"Got to keep your focus. I get it. Stay in that zone." Starling closed the window.

Suddenly, the bus came to a stop and Marcia crashed into the bus's stop sign. The driver, a grumpy man with a peg leg stepped out. "Who punched my bus? Who does that? Bus never did nothin' to you." He stepped back in as Marcia got up and rubbed her aching face. Just when she thought it couldn't get any worse, the bus door closed on her sweater. Then the bus started moving again, pulling her along.

Marcia tried to get herself unstuck, but no good. She was freed when her sweater ripped off, and she flew into a pile of garbage, resulting in her getting a black eye. A biker saw the whole thing and skidded to a halt. Then he saw what Marcia was wearing and laughed. Under the torn sweater was a T-shirt and on it was the caption "I KISSED A NINJA AT KARATEKON 2012". Red in the face, Marcia hid the T-shirt with a discarded newspaper and ran to the school.

(!)

Never mind, things COULD get worse! On the school sign, it read, "Picture day!" Marcia couldn't believe it. "You have got to be kidding me. School picture day?!" Suddenly, a girl appeared out of nowhere and held a camera before her. "Smile!" Marcia didn't even have time to react before the camera flashed.

Marcia buried her face in her hands. "I wanna go home!"

"Well, well, well. Marcia Diaz."

Oh, great. Just what she needed to deal with. Jeremy. "Not today, Jeremy."

"I came to give you a black eye for picture day, but apparently, there's no need," the little boy laughed.

"I said NOT TODAY!" Marcia shouted, slamming her foot down...on a passing by Jack Lynn Thomas' skateboard, snapping it in half.

"Marcia? You broke my skateboard."

Marcia was on the verge of crying. "Jack, I..."

"It's fine, Marcia. I'll just live with it."

He walked away with both halves of the skateboard. "I think my work here is done," said Jeremy, rubbing salt in the wound.

Marcia hid her face for the rest of the day.

(!)

Let's cut back to the present. Back to Starling and Marcia still trapped in the shed. "I'm sorry you had a bad day, Marcia, but what does that have to do with right now?"

"I'm getting to that," Marcia said, trying to saw the skull off the Dia De Los Muertos bust. Suddenly, an arm broke through the wall, trying to grab the two children, but instead, it ripped the bust's head off. "Thank you!" called out Marcia and covered the hole with a painting. "I was so bummed out," she continued the story. "But you did everything to cheer me up."

(!)

Let's flashback to Marcia on the living room couch looking depressed. Her cheeks were stained with tears. Starling appeared before Marcia, wearing an outrageously large and wild looking wig. "Huh, huh, huh?" When that didn't work, Starling tried juggling the laser eye puppies. When _that_ didn't work, took a fish out of a top hat she produced with his scepter. "Ta-da!" The fish ate her whole. "I'm in a fish." Okay, that made Marcia laugh.

(!)

Back to the present...

"And then you met...Ozzie."

(!)

At school, everyone was running away, screaming as the sound of off-key piano notes banged throughout the school. Everyone except Starling. He had never heard a more beautiful sound. He pulled the principal from his office and took the headphones he was wearing off. (Oh, the horror!) "Skeeves, who is that fresh of breath air?" He pointed to a girl with eye-covering bangs and wearing beatnik clothes sitting on a car in the school parking lot. In the girl's hands was a keytar.

"Oh, that degenerate is Ozzie Greason," said the principal. "I'd stay away if I were you. That boy has a record."

"Ohhhh, a record..."

Staring sneaks up to Ozzie's car. The girl played a little song on the keytar and sang, "Ah, ah, ah, ahbr /My car is a flying snailbr /Let's ride him far away, yeahbr /To mermaid pools filled with puppies' droolbr /And centaurs pulling candy sleighsbr /Ah, ah, ah, ah/"

(!)

"STARLING! Can you please keep your fantasies out of my flashback?"

"Almost done."

(!)

When Ozzie was finished, Starling placed a sticky note on the keytar. "Call me."

(!)

Back in the present, Starling sighed with hopeless romance. "I couldn't wait to talk to her."

(!)

Flashback time! In Marcia's room, Starling snatched her cellphone right out of her hands. "I'm expecting a phone call! From Ozzieeeeheeheeheeheeheehee!"

"Why don't you just give her the home line?" asked Marcia.

"I like your ringtone better." He played the ringtone and it sang, "Space unicorn, soaring through the stars!" He stopped it and smiled. "So cute."

Marcia groaned. "It's supposed to be ironic."

Starling ran up to her room and sat phone down on a table. Now all he had to do was wait... "Space unicorn-"

Starling immediately answered it. "Hello?"

"Hola, Marcia! It's your grandma!"

Starling hung up. He placed the phone back on the table and waited. He waited twelve minutes, twenty minutes, an hour, two hours, three hours, four hours, but there was no indication Ozzie was calling.

(!)

Back in the present, Starling sighed. "I guess I'm just not cool enough for a girl with a record."

Marcia scoffed as he duct taped paint cans to his feet. "Are you kidding? You're the coolest boy I know." Starling smiled. Suddenly, the whole shed shook and everything on the shelves fell off. "Anyway, you were so sad. It was my turn to cheer you up."

(!)

Flashback! Starling was still moping in bed when he heard the floor creak. He turned over and saw a clown standing beside him. "HI, STARLING!" Starling punched the clown in the face. Marcia let out a groan and said, "I thought you liked clowns! Sorry."

Later, Starling was still in a depressed state when he heard Marcia shout, "Hey, Star, up here!" He looked out the window to find Marcia sitting in a shopping cart with a rocket strapped to it, wearing a sombrero with sparklers on it and a foam finger. "Watch this, I'm gonna..." But then she had second guesses. "I can't do this." She took one foot out of the shopping cart and it exploded. Marcia fell down the roof and landed on her back. "Ta...da..." Starling just groaned and slammed the window.

(!)

"And that's when I realized – nothing makes you happier than when you're Narwhal Blasting a monster," Marcia explained back in the present. "So I tried to lure one with your wand."

(!)

Flashback! While Starling was asleep, Marcia snuck into his room and took the dimensional scissors and the magic scepter. Then, she cut a hole in the air with the scissors, forming a portal to Mewni, tied the scepter to a fishing lure and flung it into the portal.

On the other side of the portal, a two-headed monster, one of Luda's minions was bushing some skulls when it saw the scepter. He picked it up and was immediately reeled in. "Oh, Starling!" called out Marcia. And then more monsters jumped through the portal, all led by Luda.

(!)

Back at the present, Starling tried to process everything Marcia said. "So you brought these monsters here to cheer me up?"

"Yeah... I just didn't expect so many," she said, chuckling. "But don't worry. This armor will hold them off." She admired the crudely made armor she made out of buckets and duct tape. Suddenly, the roof was ripped off and a big hairy hand grabbed Marcia and yanked her out. "STARLING!"

"Marcia!" Starling ran outside only to find himself and Marcia surrounded.

"Give it up, Star Butterfly! You're outmatched!"

Starling groaned. "Luda, what's with all these new monsters?"

What? These are all the same monsters I always bring."

"Mmm, I don't know."

"I've never seen this dude in my life," Marcia pointed to the monster holding her.

"You mean you've never met Man Arm?" Ludo gestured to the monster.

Man Arm showed his human-like left arm. "Hey."

"Surely you know Spikeballs."

"Well, we were never formally introduced," Spikeballs said. He walked over to Marcia and shook his hand. "Hi, I'm Spikeballs. I'm usually in the back."

Luda sighed. "Now that you all know each other... Get the scepter!"

"Luda's monsters charged in to attack. Starling blasted Man Arm with Rainbow Fist Punch, causing him to drop Marcia. He then raised the scepter and shouted, "Honeybee Tornado Swarm!" A swarm of bees burst out of the scepters and stung the monsters. Meanwhile, Marcia karate chopped a few more monsters. "You were right, Marcia! I'm totally cheered up! I don't even care if Ozzie calls!"

Spoke too soon. Marcia's phone began ringing. Luda plugged her ears with her fingers. "Ugh, what is that terrible ringtone?"

"It's supposed to be ironic!" shouted Marcia.

Starling took the phone. "It's Ozzie!"

Marcia, choking while in a headlock said, "Well, talk to her!"

"Oh, right-right-right-right-right!" Starling answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi, I'm calling this phone number on my phone?"

"Thank you for calling. No, I mean—Hiiii."

"Hi."

"So what are you..."

"Oh, I-I-I'm sorry, I interrupted you." Suddenly, a bear monster roared in Starling's ear. He slowly turned around and growled at him. "Ugh! Ozzie, can you hold on for, like, one second? Hey! I am on the phone! You monsters are so rude!" Everyone, even Marcia was stunned. "Syrup Tsunami Shockwave!" A tidal wave of syrup, waffles and pancakes burst out of the scepter and washed the monsters (and Marcia) away.

"Sorry about that," he said to Ozzie, still on the phone. "Cool."

"Cool."

"Cool."

"...Okay, bye. I like your phone voice." He hung up and sighed.

Meanwhile, the monsters tried to get themselves on stuck, "Sticky," they groaned. "All sticky."

Starling smiled at a syrup covered Marcia. "Mmm, thanks, Marcia. You did know just how to cheer me up. And Ozzie called anyway! Hugs!" The Mewman prince gave the earthling girl a hug...and got stuck in the syrup as well. "Blecch."

The bicycle guy from earlier saw what happened and laughed. Then he rode away. Okay...?


End file.
